I'm Full: A Word About Judd Apatow Movies

Okay, I'll just say it. Are they funny? Sure. Are they entertaining? Of course. Do I launch into uncomfortable, slightly-than-way-more-than-slightly annoyed speeches about the blind social acceptance of yet another iteration of american teen boy comedy splooging transparently-plotted adolescent fantasies all over movie screens across America every two weeks while the number of films depicting realistic young female protagonists in popular movies remains close to zero? I think you know my answer. Look, I'm game as the next guyish-gal to laugh about a dude's balls being dipped in something -- that's not necessarily my issue here. I find that numbering my rambling thoughts might help bring some fake coherence to them:

1. In case it's not clear by now, we saw Funny People, the latest Japatow vehicle in theaters recently. I had read some reviews that seemed to suggest this movie represented a departure or advancement of some sort in the Apatow oeuvre; however, it was not so. Triad of dorky-but-hilarious young men? Check. Penis yarn after penis yarn? ("yarn" in this sense meaning detailed story or focus on penises and how important they are to everyone involved) Check. Female characters that end up representing some media-inspired conglomoration of motivations and actions that don't make sense to any actual female viewers (when they are given any thought at all)? Check. So I felt a little stupid for going and expecting something, well, different.

2. So, fine. Yet another movie full of funny jokes and dude romps. It's his movie, I don't have to watch it. I get it. I'm not really mad at Apatow, or the nerd-dude actors, or even the poop jokes, which are pretty funny most of the time. Nay, it is the reception of these movies, and the lack of any female challengers stepping up to the plate to make a good, funny movie that can stand toe-to-toe with these penis-and-poop princes. I guess maybe it's also the inability for Apatow to explore the life of the other sex. I mean, he has millions of dollars, he's made the same movie every year for the last ten years, and he's wrung every bit of adorableness out of Seth Rogan: you'd think he's want to give a little more thought to the characters he makes his wife play in every movie. I dunno. I guess it's not a fair complaint, and instead I should be focusing on why more women either a)aren't writing and pitching scripts or b)they are writing and pitching scripts, but no one is making them. I just want it! Isn't that reason enough, Internet hole?

3. Typically, once I get to this point in the rant, I start plotting to write my own female-teen comedy, that will brilliantly lampoon all the stereotypes laid across the backs of all the hot camp counselor/sweet good girl neighbor/unattainable vet and/or kindergarten teacher with very little personality characters that have come before. A movie that will realistically portray a group of smart, funny, self-aware girls that aren't made from jetstreams of wet dreams, video games, lightning and magic, Drew Barrymore movies, and tampon commercials. Then KM tells me she's heard this speech like three times and that I need to calm down.

4. So let's have it. If I don't do it in time, and Apatow clearly isn't anywhere near this kind of revelation, somebody will have to. What kind of script am I looking for? Here's some inspiration to start: