Dear Sir or Madam,
Hey! What's up. Did you know that your job is being supported by people like me, who buy your company's products services? No? That's funny. HAHAHAHAHA.
Hey! Can I help you with that? Oh wait, is that the reverse of my role in this exchange? Yes.
Talk soon!
Me
Dear Karma,
In case you can't tell, recently, I've been experiencing a rough patch in my customer service experiences. I haven't made a fuss, or gotten anybody fired, or even filed a complaint. No, I've been compliant, quiet even, internalizing their disrespect and swallowing my anger as one would swallow an acidic bit of digested breakfast that shoots into your mouth unexpectedly.
That's why I don't get where you've been dude. wtf.
Remember when I was a waitress? Remember how much credit I built up? Evidence, bro:
- When I accidentally spilled lemonade down that man's pants and he called me an idiot and said I should be fired.
- When that obese dude from the highway-side family-style restaurant I worked at tricked me into letting him touch my ass and then chuckled with his friends, chins jiggling in delight, while I moved on to my next table during the dinner rush. L-O-freaking-L.
-When I had to clean up the puddly pile of poop just outside the bathroom after the incontinent old man didn't make it in time and my manager locked himself in his office because he was grossed out.
- When I had to heft the "dessert tray" - pieces of stale cake covered in cellophane - around all of my tables, no matter what, and parade it around to the senior citizen crowd like a prize pony, or I would be fired.
-When that guy licked the side of my face when he was ordering a beer.
In short, I've paid my dues, dude. I'm nice, I'm compliant, I give people a chance to explain or refund my money, or just offer an apology. I am the perfect customer. So, hey how about giving me a break.
XOXO,
Me
